i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
