my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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