Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
17 year olds will be the death of me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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