3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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