good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
