where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
