and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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