at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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