I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
