its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
