All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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