That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
