i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
