They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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