I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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