i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize