tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Randomize
