I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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