I'm lost and stupid without you.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
