ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
