How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she told me i tasted like america
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize