Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
