I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
