why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
