I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
