WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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