I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
