don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
