I must be too annoying 4 u.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
