dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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