You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
