I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
