Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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