We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
