smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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