erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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