About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
