Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
