That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize