dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
