You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
