The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
