I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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