Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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