you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize