I skipped work to stalk him.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
