Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
