why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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