Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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