Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
