I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
