oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
