glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
