Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
