roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
