and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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