I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
