Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
