Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
