i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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