oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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