Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
