shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
