Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
