from now on my penis is your penis
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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