she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize