Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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