so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
