Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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