i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
