hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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